I had often heard that God is the ultimate and only true fulfillment of all our desires. We are said to have a “God-shaped hole” in our heart. I used to try to convince myself of this. “God is what I really want.” Really, it was more like God is what I should really want.
I have what you might call an “addictive personality.” If something is good, then more of that something must be even better, right? But as we all know, stuff runs out. Stomachaches happen. People disappoint. Lives end. Moths and rust destroy. That’s why we say, “Everything in moderation.” But are there any exceptions to this rule? In theory, yes. There is one: God. In fact, that might even be a decent definition for God. If there was one thing that you could desire without end and receive without end and without ever getting the proverbial stomachache—whatever that thing is, let’s call it “God”. Sounds nice.
Today I’m finding that it is more than just a theory for me. In other words, these days I’m finding that God is what I really want! How did I learn this? Mainly: by the attitude of heart that my Christian upbringing cultivated within me. When I was driven by illness and intellect to give up God as I knew Him, that did not change. In fact, it deepened. I am now free to give my life to the Ultimate, the Whole, the Reality outside of which there is no other. Perhaps the Universe is infinite. Then I give my life to the Infinite.
I no longer have to wonder whether my theology is right or not. In fact, I know that my brain will never be big enough to contain adequate concepts about God. None of our thoughts are adequate, so we should not put all our faith in any of them. They should always be provisional and expendable. “But if I give up my thoughts about God, where does that leave me?” It leaves you right here and right now. With God. Your heart is still beating. Be grateful for that, and just keep on being grateful. More and more and more!
Stop trying to define God, and you just might find God. Or be found!